April 1st

After a year long hiatus from writing this blog, I have decided to start again. My sister Emily and I have a few things we are holding each other to this year, and one of my "challenges" was to revive my long dormant blog.

I originally started this because I had got to the point where I knew that I didn't want to work for anyone else, and that I knew what I wanted to do. I started going to see a personal trainer a little over 2 years ago, and while he was ok and taught me how to breathe right, the proper techniques, the right pace, etc...the thing he didn't take into account was that I wasn't him.

He treated me like I didn't work 45+ hours a week, and like I was already an athlete. I mean I was strong, and could push myself through hour long intense strength training sessions; but not without almost passing out and vomiting in the bathroom. 

Being trained by a 23-24 old who started working out to gain weight because he was a scrawny skater kid, who only works 20 hours a week, didn't really work for me. If I wasn't a stubborn determined mule, I would have walked away. This frustration lead me to come up with my own ideas on how to train people. Since I thought I could do this job better, I got all the material to study to become certified as a trainer. There were a few roadblocks along the way though that have got in the way of me finishing. 

The last year or so of my life, has been the most stressful section of my life, by a wide margin. I didn't run a marathon - or a single race - like I had wanted for myself. I didn't get down to my idea of a healthy weight, and never finished my certification studies to become a personal trainer.

What I have done since then though, is maintain a base where a 3 mile run is still pretty easy, not put on weight, and realistically lost about 15-20lbs in the last year, and haven't ever really reverted back to my old life style. Even though I haven't gone as far forward as I would have liked, I didn't go back, and still held on to the idea that I love running and that I want to be a personal trainer.


I will be updating this on a semi-regular basis as of now. I have been really trying to eat as many whole foods as possible, and no meat, cheese, bread, alcohol, coffee, sugar, and actually holding to it pretty well. There was that Celtics game the other night, but, how can I not have a beer at basketball game? I fully believe in having a little buzz on while I scream at the guys on the court.


I think this is all for today, I just wanted to get my feet wet, and force myself to post something today, instead of saying, "I should really write a post today". Let me know if you have any questions, or if there is anything cool you are doing in the health realm; I am always interested in what other people find works for them.

 I read this quote this week and loved it,


"Success is not the result
of spontaneous combustion.
You must set yourself on fire."


Thanks for reading


And by the way, the title of this post reflects the date which I have set for myself that I have to have at least taken my final exam for the training certificate. 

Back from the Holidays

  It's been a while since I have written, about a month, but I think I am back to writing on a pretty regular basis. The last part of this year my momentum hit a brick wall, but I've wrangled it back into place. One thing that was pulling me down, and stopped me from being so dedicated about nutrition and exercise, was that the more I was doing, and with better results, the more psychological/emotional/family issues kept bubbling to the surface. It felt like I could could only get so far physically, without dealing with a lot of baggage.

  There is only so much I'm willing to go into here, but I realized that I have functioned off many models of thinking that get in my way of succeeding. The further I got training, it was like skimming layers off a pressurized are area until it was weak enough to blow. I released a lot of pressure, but now have to deal with what got out.

   I was never one to think therapy was the answer. I was always too stoic to think you couldn't just do it yourself, if you put in the effort. I still think that's possible; just not if you want to keep your life intact. Christa put it to me very straight forward. She said to me, why would you see no problem going to trainer for fitness, but not go to a therapist to learn to get healthy psychologically/emotionally?

  It was no different than admitting to myself that I wanted and needed to get myself in good physical shape. I just had to admit to myself that I wanted/needed to get myself in good shape in my head.
It's not like I'm crazy, but I certainly have issues with anger, letting go of things from growing up, and a host of others. All these things are in my way when it comes to staying focused.

  So, I took some steps that I think are going to facilitate me getting myself under control. Later today, I have an acupuncture appointment, which is something I know very little about, but people I trust (Christa and my sister) tell me is very helpful. I have a therapy appointment next week, at this center that does talk therapy, as well nutrition counseling, massage, and yoga therapy. It seemed like a good place to start considering they work on your self and your body, and since I noticed a link between one affecting the other, they seemed like the place to start.

   I also signed up for a 10k race today, as a commitment to myself to participate in 5 races this year. This will help me by knowing a clear cut goal, that is one I can manage. I also signed up for the Burlington City marathon, and for now think I am just going to do half, then later this year, in the fall, do a full marathon. It made sense setting more manageable goals instead of having a marathon be the second race I ever did. I'm still going to have to be pretty diligent as it is to finish even half with a decent time.

   In the last month and a half or so, I haven't been doing as much running, strength training, or diet control, just have kept a pretty basic maintenance routine. This is pretty amazing for me actually, since in my past when I stopped paying attention, even for a day or two, my focus all went out the window. The next day I was downtown, having a bacon burger, a few pints, smoking cloves; pretty much just saying fuck it. To come through one of the most stressful points of my life so far, without letting myself fall apart, is encouraging. It's good to know that I have learned some things, and gained some new good habits for a change. Ones that have stuck.

  I gained a few holiday pounds, but nothing a couple weeks at the gym won't cure. I also didn't really lose anything cardio wise, as I went for a pretty strenuous run yesterday, with a lot of hill climbing and did pretty close to how I would have a done 6 weeks ago.

   Now that I am back on track, I'll be back writing as much as I can. Work was one area that was taking up a lot of energy since Thanksgiving - being a buyer in grocery store around the holidays is crazy - and I think I am going to let work slip just a little, and put that energy into myself. I am a bit of a workaholic, so I'm going to divert some of that energy into taking care of myself, and writing down how it's going, and hopefully people keep reading.  

So much for the Holidays...

Well, since I last posted, some things sort of exploded; namely me. I had one of the worst days I have had on Thanksgiving, and it has taken me a while to get my head back into things. Take one part overworked, one part family stress, one part workout fatigue, and throw in too much Rum, and things can go south quickly. I won't go into details, but wasn't that much fun. The first part of the day; great. The second part not so much.

Anyway I won't linger on that too much. The details are unimportant, the ones that are important are that I learned quite a bit about myself, and about those things in your life that follow you around, even when you want to forget about them.

I still am training regularly, and just set up a nice space in my apartment for those days it's too cold/nasty  to want to venture out. I am looking for a weight set to round it out; anyone have any weights they want to get rid of? Now that I have a good space in my house, I think it'll help keep me sane, especially through the Holidays.

I am wavering a bit on whether to push myself on my vacation or not, and run 80 miles, ride 100, and do 5 days weight of weight training in 9 days or not. Physically it won't be that difficult, I'm just wondering if I need the mental break more than I need to see how far I can push myself. One thing I hadn't realized, is how much mental focus it takes to maintain a fairly strict workout regimen. I had been so out of shape, the physical part was always the part that took the most of out of me. Now, I don't get as sore, or as fatigued, and I recover quicker. Mentally though, some days after 10 hours at work, I don't want to do shit, and I know I still have to run, use an elliptical do some weights, something. This ends up being kind of draining, but it's a good way to exercise the mind too I suppose.

So, fuck the Holidays, well not really, Christa and I are going to have Christmas at our house this year, and I am looking forward to having a tree and not being a scrooge. Usually I hate Christmas, seems like a pretty made-up, pointless holiday made stressful by spending/eating too much and it's too close to Thanksgiving. How much family and food can you really handle in such a short time?

Now that I have learned a couple things, I am going to take it easy (easier) for the next three weeks or so until Christmas is done, and try to balance the mental and the physical, and get through this Holiday season without another Grahampage. I leave you with a song, for no other reason than I have been listening to them, and so should you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBcbDS5AGnk&feature=fvst

Bring on the Holidays

Well, so much for my last post. I had thought Thursday I was going to be able to go the gym, do this long workout, tough out my long day at work. Didn't happen. I was at work for 11 1/2 hours, and by the time I was done, I was completely empty, no energy. I came home, had about 2 glasses of wine and fell asleep on the couch at 9:30 dead to the world.

During the next 6 days it's going to be hard to balance work time versus my time. Yesterday even, I worked only 8 hours, but was running all day and lifted literally tons of product, and had to exert every bit of mental energy I had, and I didn't feel like going to the gym. I felt like watching a movie with some friends, eating some pizza,  having good conversation, and getting a little drunk. I needed a break, and if I don't take those nights to just have fun, this next week is going to drive me nuts.

I have to go to work today for a couple hours, and then am working 40 hours between Sunday-Wednesday. I have to make sure to go to the gym each of those days, if only for a while, because, as much responsibility as I have at work, I've got to make time for myself, I don't want to lose an entire week to work.

I am going to write again later today, about how the day was, and how I am going to make up for not exercising and drinking and eating pizza yesterday. I'm going to push myself as hard as possibly today at the gym, as well as walk the 3.5 miles there and back, that should go a long way to make up for my night last night. Anyway, thanks for reading, and I appreciate all the feedback.

Long Day...

Days like these, are when I know I am committed. During this time of year, my job is a madhouse. Leading up to the Holidays the store is so busy, and preparations have to made for the stampede that is going to descend on us in the next week. I have so much to do, that I don't have time to eat as I would like. No sit down lunch, no properly spaced out snacks, not enough water, just grab as I go. I was all over the place, and just mentally and physically spent at the end of my 10 and 1/2 hour day. It would have been really easy to go home. Or even better, go downtown and have a beer. I was so stressed out and tired, I was even craving a cigarette. But, I just put my head down and walked to the gym.

Once I got there, I didn't have much energy, but I still went for 4.5 miles, and did 30 minutes of circuit training. I was so tired by the end, and to be honest, I can't believe I am still awake. Tomorrow I have to make sure that I take better care of myself. I have found that yogurt, oats and a piece of fruit for breakfast, almond butter and honey on whole wheat bread for a mid-morning snack, and a good lunch with some protein, brown rice, a bunch of veggies, with a snack in late afternoon, gets me ready to have a long sustained workout. I need a long workout tomorrow. I think 6 miles, and an hour of circuit training, with at least 20 minutes of stretching is what my goal is tomorrow.

I am going on vacation in early January, and I have a new crazy ass mission for myself. I think in my 9 days off, I am going to shoot for running 70 miles, riding 100 miles on my bike (or indoors if it's freezing) and 6 sessions of strength training. I am thinking about doing 80 miles running, we'll see how the next 6 weeks of training go. I usually, when I'm on vacation, do a lot of lounging; take it real easy. This time though, I am going to push myself as hard as I can without feeling like I am doing myself any damage. I will have to eat, sleep, stretch, and rest perfectly. I am pretty committed to this, and I am positive I can do it no question.

Trying to get ready for this, is why I have been working out even on days like today when just going home would be perfectly understandable. I am going to be ramping up my training another level, even though next week I am working 6:30am to 7pm or so, M,T,W. I will find a way to get in the gym each day, even for 45 minutes. Thanksgiving, I am bringing my own food, passing on all the goodies, leaving before dessert and going for a 6 mile run. I am looking at all this, and I feel a little crazy, but I am serious about running a marathon, and doing a triathlon. The new gym I recently realized is right near my house, has a pool, and I am going to start my swimming training this Sunday.

This is all pretty exciting, pretty tiring too, but immensely satisfying. I won't lie, I am sore pretty much every day, and people keep asking me to go out and have a drink, hang out, and I am ditching people left and right, and I kind of feel like a dick, but I have to keep focused. Ill feel like I have really accomplished what I want, went I finish the triathlon at the end of next summer.

That's really all for today, I am fading and need to go to bed. Tomorrow I will write, and see if I actually leave work on time and manage my 6 miles and hour of circuit training. Wish me luck, and if anybody wants any help, or needs some motivation, let me know.

Can't sit still

Today was going to be a day where I just did stuff around the house and took it easy. The last two days I've had really intense runs where I was trying for speed. Friday I did 4 miles on a treadmill, (and an hour of strength training), and then yesterday I did 4 miles outside. I was curious what the difference would be, I assumed the treadmill would be faster because you are forced to keep a pace; but I pushed myself just as hard when I ran outside and the times were identical more or less.

As much as I was going to just stay away from exercising today, I love it that I am to the point where I crave it. Today, I was going to do some light housework, watch a movie, play around with finances, simple stuff, but the longer the day goes on I keep thinking I gotta do something. I'm feeling a little froggy.

I think I will make a trip to the gym today, if only for an hour or so. The gym I go to has a few different branches, and I just now realized that there is one pretty much right next to my house that I thought was like 5 miles away. In reality, it's only 1.5 miles away and I had always assumed it was so much further.

Things seem to be working in my favor more and more. I feel like momentum has started to pick up and goods things are just starting to fall into place. They all in one way or another are going to contribute to these goals I have. Work has started to become so much less stressful as of late, which is nice, and I don't feel like I have to be there and or think about it all the time. Christa has gotten a new job which will give her better hours and and will improve her quality of life so much. She has been such a big help, there is no way I could be doing all this without her. Between Christa's life getting easier, my life at work getting easier, and realizing I have a gym so much closer to my house, things are going pretty great right now.

Since things are going so good, sitting around and taking an easy day feels like I'm not taking advantage of the circumstances that are being presented right now. I feel compelled to workout today, like I owe the universe for shifting things into high gear for me. I think I am going to comply now, check out this new gym, and keep earning a little more of that good fortune.

Prepared

Well not much to write for today. I managed to get to the gym, but it kind of helps to bring sneakers with you when you get there. I somehow left them at my house in the morning. Usually I would have still worked out in my work shoes, but I only had my boots. Not too bright. It's ok, I am just going to go tomorrow, which was going to be a rest day.

I did make some progress though. One thing I have been watching out for is snacking at work. It's hard to resist when my job is ordering roasted salted cashews, or peanut butter malt balls, sesame sticks etc. Also, when you are surrounded by free cookies, samosas, pizza, you sometimes just end up eating something before you know it.

 The nature of my job is so chaotic that I often don't have time to eat lunch. Days like that I just grab a cookie to have something to eat as I am passing through our breakroom. Lately though I have been keeping almond butter, whole wheat bread, and honey in my locker, so I can have a healthy snack when I am hungry. I usually eat two oatmeal cookies a couple days a week, and today I decided that if I am going to snack, I am replacing the cookies with raw almonds, and dried unsweetened mango. Much more nutrition in these two, and they give me a lot more energy.

At least I was able to accomplish that switch today, even though I was a dumbass and left my shoes at home. That is how I've learned to look at things. Every day doesn't have to be perfect. Just because I was an idiot about footwear, I still made that intentional decision to not eat junk.  I am going to now have those two things be my fall back, (mango and almonds), along with apples, which I can find for free all day. I am especially going to be careful tomorrow, as we are having people at our house to dinner tomorrow, and I'm going to reserve all extra calories for all the wine I'm going to be drinking.

I'm not going to have too much wine though, as I  have a plan for this weekend. I am going to run 6 miles, outside, and do an hour or so of circuit training on Saturday. I really like pushing myself on Saturday. I don't have anything I really have to do, and I can clear my head and just focus. Sunday is more mellow,  a lot of stretching and some easy cardio; nothing too complicated.

It's getting late and believe it or not I am out of things to say. I wish you luck any of you who are trying to get started or stay started, on whatever workout/healthy eating plan you are trying to do. Thanks for reading. Goodnight.