work too much...

Today was one of those days when I left work and felt like a Zombie. I had plans to go to the gym and do some weights, do some running, but man, after 10 and a half hours; I was done. Not much else to say, I pretty much have been comatose since I got home, but tomorrow I'm working a half day and kicking my ass at the gym. I did think about going today, even if it was to just stretch and do some light running, but I know I'll go tomorrow; and this weekend.

I have been in an odd headspace since I have decided to pursue all this, and the last few days have been more disjointed than usual. I have felt like Billy Pilgrim, like I'm a bit unstuck in time. What I mean is...it feels like some points in my day, I see a cigarette, and something in me just wants to smoke. I walk past the beer cooler at work and part of me wants to sit around drink all night. I think about these things and feel disconnected from something that was once me at most points in my life, but in this moment, they are the last things I want to do. There is this sense of detachment from what I even identify as myself.People who ran in the winter always used to to draw some derisive comment about how stupid I thought it was. I now admire that kind of commitment, and enjoy it myself. Having these blurry moments is kind of fun, as I feel like I am building a different person.

One thing I need to change more than anything, is that I have always had a problem falling asleep. Insomnia has been a pretty constant part of my life, and right now I'm not helping myself by staring at the bright lights of a computer. Not getting enough sleep I have been used to, and can function at work without a glitch, but it makes such a difference in how I train if I get too little sleep. I'm going to stop staring at this screen now and try to and get some sleep. Until tomorrow...